


proud

by mercytio (scundtrack)



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Graduation, Heart-to-Heart, Implied Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Kinda?, Memories, Post-Season/Series 03, Season 3 Spoilers, Well... Vaguely Implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-06-24 16:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19727068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scundtrack/pseuds/mercytio
Summary: max graduates and steve tells her exactly what she needed to hear





	proud

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this impulsively in one day and no its not been edited cause if i reread it i'll pussy out of posting but i have a lot of feelings about max having hope for billy this season and how it implies their relationship has changed and theyve got closer
> 
> edit: i edited some minor things like spelling errors i could find and changed the tags but like uwu all good now

It was warm, warm and bright with the sun shining on their necks and the long gowns making everything seem hotter. They were dark green and had gold-ish yellow linings. Max only knew that because she had been running her fingers over the stitching keeping it in place for nearly twenty minutes. She didn’t really like the graduation gown. It felt stuffy and the material was too smooth and she wanted her leather jacket back, with all the ridges and stretches and toughness of the fabric. God, she didn’t even know how old that damn thing was, she was sure it had to be at least as old as her. 

She’d had it for so long now, the old smell had faded and the lining was ripped in some places, the left pocket had a hole in it and there was a burn mark on the inner arm from a cigarette she knows wasn’t hers. It had been there when she got it, out of a box that was in what’s now a spare room in her house. She grabbed it when Neil wasn’t looking, shoved it in her backpack on her way to Mike’s for the day. When she got home the box was gone and she knew it was in some charity shop in town, she knew she’d go out tomorrow and see what she could get from it. Not a lot, she managed to save the necklace - Virgin Mary hanging around her neck from that day on - and another jacket - denim this time, still too big for her but still reeking of cologne she kind of wants to keep the smell forever but she also wants to get rid of it as fast as possible.

Steve gives her a red shirt, with buttons that go up the middle and are missing from the top. She doesn’t ask how he had it, where he found it or if he wanted to keep it for himself. She just stared silently before whispering a thank you and covering her face with the fabric to hide the tears she couldn’t hold back. She wore it to bed that night, the tobacco scent made her cough at first and it went down to her thighs but she liked it better than her pyjamas.

She hadn’t been allowed to wear the shirt, it was a formal event and her mother had said a dress would work better, that it would make her look cute in the pictures. 

She understands, they want it to look pretty and they want her to enjoy the day rather than live entirely in the memories. She understands. Except she doesn't, she doesn't understand why he's not allowed to be part of the day. Over time she's tried justifying it to herself, that they don't want to be sad, they don't want to remember and get upset about it. 

But sometimes it feels more about their feelings. Like when Neil had given her a necklace for her sixteenth birthday, clearly an attempt to get her to take off her other one. 

She wants him to be part of today, even if she won't say his name anymore because it kind of hurts, in a dull ache way, and even if Neil and her mom want her to forget it and leave today free of sad memories.

She wanted him to be part of today because she’s sitting alone in a crowd of people she knows she went to school with for years but can’t name off the top of her head and she wants something, someone, familiar. 

They’re only on the letter G for surnames and she knows Dustin will be going up soon, his graduation cap has some math pun she can’t read from her seat cause there are at least three rows between them and she knows he told her but she can’t really remember with the girls to her right talking so loud and the boy in front of her shaking his arm, waving dramatically to a friend. Dustin stands as his name is soon to be called and she gives him a grin and a thumbs up and he smiles back and tips his cap like an old-timey gentleman greeting her, it feels like he’s three seconds from yelling “m’ lady” across the crowd. 

He walks across the stage with confidence and holds his diploma up in victory and the party holds back from cheering because the teacher told them it would disturb the event and make everything take longer.

Then the rows in front of her move and then she's standing and it feels too fast. It feels like driving 50 mph in the Camero at age 13 with her big brother who’s too much of an asshole to be likeable asking if she wants to go faster and it’s driving just as fast with a knocked out Steve Harrington in the backseat covered in his own blood and it’s driving faster than that on the last day of middle school with her now tolerable and kind of cool big brother telling her that she can pick the music just this once.

Then she realises she’s tearing up and she’s closer to the stage but she’s thinking of how everything was so fast and she’s remembering driving up Route 1 in California when he just got his license and she told him to drive faster because the road was empty and they’d ditched school for the day, him going faster and saying if they got in trouble with their parents he’d take the fall.

 _They never got caught, they never got in trouble_. She remembers as her name is finally called.

She shakes hands with her principal and he smiles so softly when he sees the tears in her eyes and she gets handed her diploma and someone takes a picture and she knows she's grinning, bright and wide, eyes scrunched enough to maybe hide the tears, maybe it just makes them more obvious. Her gown drags only slightly but it doesn't trip her so it doesn't matter. As she steps off the stage, one of the receptionists hands her a tissue and she shows her thanks to them with a smile and a nod before sitting back down.

Then the world is moving too slow again, names aren't going fast enough and Mike hasn't stood up at all yet.

The letter is on S, she knows because Nicole Shelton is next in line, hovering on the top step before the stage and Lucas is behind her, mouthing something to Dustin. Then Lucas is smiling at _her_ and stepping onto the stage, she must have been distracted trying to understand what he was saying to Dustin because now Nicole Shelton is stepping down and lifting her gown, apparently too long, as she walks back to her seat.

Mike is in the line, she can see him adjusting his cap and smiling widely at Lucas who does a bow before stepping off the stage. Mike keeps moving forward and he doesn't seem to know what to do with himself. He keeps moving his hands and trying to fix his hair and it's only when he steps onto the stage that he calms down, composes himself enough to accept his diploma and look proud in the picture. 

It's almost done, two more people walk across the stage and the teachers start giving speeches that nobody wants to stick around to listen to but they nod along and sit quietly. 

The end isn't dramatic like in the movies, nobody throws their cap in the air and there's no loud cheering that hurts their ears for another few days. They clear out of the crowd to see their families and friends, Max lets herself stand to wait for things to clear before she looks around and it takes another few minutes to find her family. It feels awkward standing with them, they congratulate her and she doesn’t have any idea what to say back, she just nods and smiles and lets her mother fuss with her hair and kiss her cheek before they say she can go give her friends congratulations. She goes to them as soon as it's said.

El is the one who notices her approaching, runs to hug her with Joyce to follow shortly behind saying she's proud, with another hug and a kiss to her forehead. Steve is standing there too, not too close but close enough that she can call him over, he's talking to Dustin and it looks like Dustin is explaining the joke on his cap. Steve is predictably confused but nods along with a faux knowing expression that Dustin can clearly see right through. 

She approaches them slowly, not wanting to stand in on their best friend moment but they don't appear to mind when they turn to talk to her.

Steve is holding her jacket. It’s draped over his arm, the worn leather clashing against his fancy black jacket she knows he didn’t get exclusively for this event, she remembers him talking about his father telling him that he needs a good suit, a nice outfit now that he’s properly a man. 

Steve excuses them and Dustin doesn’t mind, he walks off to talk to Lucas and Steve leads Max to a bench, just outside of the orbit of their friends.

He hands her the jacket and seems both happy and sad when she clings it to her chest. She just holds onto it for a moment before unfolding it and putting it over her shoulders. It’s another beat of silence before either of them talk. Then Steve puts a hand on her shoulder, allowing his arm to be across her back in the closest thing he can really give to comfort.

“I…” he starts but pauses, he nods to himself before he speaks again. “I know, your relationship with… with Billy-” he breathes deeply, clearly steadying himself. “Was complicated. I know you cared about him, even if he was a real asshole a lot of the time.” She could see Steve’s tears, just beginning to build, but knew making any move now would cut him off, would make him stop talking. “But,” he continued, “I really think, he would have been… I _know_ , he would have been really fuckin’ proud of you today.”

She blinks for a moment, processing the words. She knows Steve is worried when she looks down but it's easier than looking directly at him. "You really think so?" she asks, her voice is weak and Steve pulls her into his side.

"Yeah, I really do," he says, squeezing her shoulder. 

“He didn’t make it this far,” she says because it’s what she’s thinking. He didn’t, Billy had graduated yes, but he didn’t make it this far. “He just turned eighteen. He was eighteen years and three months old. I’m eighteen years and seven months old.” 

It was getting hard to talk but she didn’t stop, because it was what she was thinking, had been thinking for the past four months but felt too guilty to say aloud, to upset someone else with her thoughts. But Steve just listened and didn’t look at her weird and didn’t ask her to be quiet, he just listened.

“I’m older than my big brother,” she said, Steve didn’t say anything about the loud sob that followed or the way she curled into him. He just pulled the jacket tighter around her.

It still had his wallet in the inside pocket. His wallet, Billy’s. His ID, no cash, a photograph of him and his mother, a photograph of him and Max. An ice cream receipt with a phone number on the back. Maybe Steve understood.

"I'm older than my big brother,” she repeats, eyes now freely leaking tears. 

"It's okay. He's so proud of you today. He's really really proud Max." Steve just has a way of comforting. Even the smallest things make it seem like the world isn't ending anymore. Because she feels better and safer and less hopeless thinking _Billy's proud._

**Author's Note:**

> cool anyway follow me on [tumblr](https://standardlovers.tumblr.com)


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